I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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