those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
