i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
