Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
