yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
sarcasm needs its own font
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
