the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
