wakey wakey hands off snakey
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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