he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
