Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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