I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
