I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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