I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
