they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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