are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Randomize
