I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
