i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
