this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
