All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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