ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
