The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
