I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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