Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
