I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Green mimosas i think yes
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
