im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
