You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
