here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
