I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
