Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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