Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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