i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
