I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
