y did u give ur computer a hand job?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
