If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
