Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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