I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
