Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
