Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
