btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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