Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
