Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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