Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
