My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
