if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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