Don't you send me to vm
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
