Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I met the friendliest cop last night
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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