That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
