i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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