Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
