Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
