We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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