Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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