You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
