Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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